Hoarding stuff that just sits in a box in an attic, stuffed in a cupboard or moved from home to home is really all about emotions. The stuff that may well come in useful even though it hasn’t for the last three years is stuff we hang on to because we hate waste but deep down more that one day we may need it because we have less than we do now.
For me it is also about fear, fear of forgetting, fear of losing, fear of facing the what if’s, fear of remembering how I felt then. Never thinking that some of what we face now would have been. So we keep hold, they keep us connected, how will I feel if I know I don’t have that anymore.
The reality is that it is just things. The memories and feelings are still with you and the things are there to remind you. There the circle goes around because the fear then comes back in because what if I forget.
My heart is very much worn on my sleeve, I am typing this and crying. I am typing this because to face the sorting I need to realise that I can sort through stuff and enjoy it. I can be sad too because well that is okay. I can choose things to keep enough to remember the things I feel frightened of forgetting. I can keep less but actually remember more because there will be less clutter. It will be downsized and I can access it in one small space instead of box after box and folder after folder of disorganised stuff, shut away in the roof or hidden in a cupboard.
Stupid things like magazines, these are not actually emotionally at the same level but somehow they are still tough to sort. In the roof I will find several Good Food magazine that my Gran handed me down . Handed me down I repeat, why can’t I do that. But the love of cooking, the share of collecting recipes as a teen with my Mum has held on. This folder of recipes from when I was a teenager, one’s I looked through with my Mum. Only some that I have made. Would I have held onto them if my Mum hadn’t died when I was 19 actually probably not. So there is the hold that is what makes just sorting simple magazines so tough.
As for the rest I know I will face so many raw things but somehow I know that it will be good for me.
Today it is the magazine cull that I was supposed to do back here and failed to. I will tear out recipes I know I will try one day in our new home.
I confess to feeling ridiculously sad, the keyboard and screen is a blur through my tears. I am telling you this because once it is sorted I will come back and know I can say I feel better, that it is okay. So all you emotional hoarders out there may well feel you can give it a go, but then if you are not moving why would you, right?
Deep breath, now to the task in hand x
P.S I won’t bore you with Project downsize everyday just needed to write this to get started!