Project downsize – Emotions in the roof

de-clutterAnyone that keeps lots of stuff squirreled  in the roof, cupboards, draws and wardrobes are holding on to something far more than the thing itself.

Yesterday earlyish in the morning (I kept putting it off!) I ventured to do some of the more tough stuff. The bits I also know some I will be keeping but you go through it and well you cry.

Early years and Junior school stuff. For me some was easy, do you really need to keep boring work sheets with ticks and crosses on (mostly ticks though!!) and the comments from the teachers get less and less encouraging as they are older. Which made me think about the whole way teaching happens and perhaps why sometimes it falls flat on its backside. The years of Bex’s is tougher to go through, though would have been easier had she told me before that she didn’t want to keep a thing from it.

So far I have sorted the ones before the teddy and up to and including the one after. There is still a lot to do!

The echo of sadness from years and years of bullying with teachers and head teachers taking the easy option and not dealing with it. The brushing under the carpet of Junior school headmaster. The meeting and complaints but nothing was ever done. Two years after Bex left he was in fact forced out but then for Bex it was too late.Then as parents why hadn’t we scooped her out of school and moved her to another sooner than the last 6 months of year 6. Then the tears of guilt come, the what would have been. To date the echo of bullying is strongly felt in our house. The no going back to the damage that was done. Whilst the bullies and the teachers and the heads go on regardless. One sits in the comfort of his vast early retirement pension, the others just carry on not really understanding the effects it has had. Part of me whats to scream and shout at them, look this is how it is, this is what you have done. But of course I don’t and I probably won’t.

So today as requested I will get rid of all those years of school work except nursery as Bex was happy then.

Then it was moving on to the birthday, Christmas and Easter cards. All carefully hoarded but knowing not all can come with me so I sort through taking out the ones that are special. The ones from my sister that say ‘hope to see you soon’ knowing that we won’t see her soon, knowing that won’t happen. So more tears so I move over to the photo’s all that will be kept. I notice that my sisters laugh and smile in a photo of her when she was about 13 is the same laugh and smile as on one of her wedding pictures.

Luckily my bladder tells me in time to go so I sort the piles to keep. The roof is already hot so I use that as an excuse not to return again that day.

We hold on to things, and I will hold on to the things I need to. But along the way with it we keep a lot of crap too. Sorting the crap from the good stuff is making it harder. Going through this stuff is hard. Crying is actually good for you and letting go of things that have a hold on you is something that has to be a good thing too.

I have still got a massive amount to sort through, I know there will be more tears but maybe this is a good thing.

On a lighter note, when your little ones bring their end of year work home at the end of the term. Look at it, photograph it and keep the best bits then recycle the rest. Trust me it may sound harsh but you will thank me and let’s be honest as teenagers or adults are they really going to be bothered that they got 9/10 on their spelling tests. Or Miss whatever her name is thought it was neat colouring in, no probably not.

Again I thank my little blog for being a place I can write and get stuff out of me even more. I am hoping that if nothing else someone will take the tip of the school folder then my work here on this post is done!!!

Today is another day… lets get on with it.


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