When we were little we used to play with your Pippa dolls together. I always ended up with the girls and you always had ‘Pete’ Pippa’s boyfriend. Remember he had that cool flying jacket which later on you bought one for yourself which I always rather liked. You watched Scooby Doo and Doctor Who while I hid behind the sofa. You generally were the sorted one, while I was the shy and erratic one.
The teenager years for you saw a swap around and a wild teenager you quite often were. While I remained the quiet one. I remember you learning to drive and going off all smart to work. Suddenly thinking my sister was all so grown up and knowing you wouldn’t be around so much. Even if you did used to call me ‘smell’ at school, I missed seeing you there and knowing my big sister was there if needed.
Years seems to fly by and then one day completely out of the blue you turned up at my house asking if you could stay for a couple of weeks. I remember that day as clear as can be. The day that at the time I didn’t know would change my life or at least give me the self belief to do so. When I look back on the years and it did turn from weeks to years I see nothing but good times. Seeing as we were quite different growing up I can not believe how well we got on and what a fantastic time we had. Nothing can change those happy memories especially the time after without saying anything you made me have the strength to get out of a relationship that I was so unhappy in. Then the fun began. Driving down to Padstow for a holiday with Alanis Morrisette blasting out just the two of us singing that everything will be fine fine fine!!! Indeed it is was back then, I scooped all those lost years I had and squeezed them into fun times with you.
We had some really good times and indeed we were seen as the ‘good time girls’ not in a bad way. Just we somehow together knew how to have fun. Then it was time for our mad times to end and for us to perhaps settle a little. Strange how Bill and Cam asked us to marry them on the same day, without even knowing it. Of course there was that slight dilemma that I was still sorting out the house to be in my name so I asked Cam if he could ask in a few months time. I remember you calling me and saying could you and Bill pop around, I knew then before you arrived at the door with the Champagne. Now looking back it was funny but at the time perhaps not so. But of course we both married the ones who asked us on the same day. I was so proud and happy when you wanted to be married from my house. Even now looking back it makes me feel so happy. I dutifully fed you bacon sandwiches for breakfast mid morning really to keep you going. I think I felt as nervous as you, your wedding was lovely, a beautiful sunny day so much so you had that super cool photo done with everyone with their sunnies on. That photo has to be the coolest wedding photo of all times.
When Bex was born you were a super Aunty, I know how much you love Bex and how much Bex loves you. She is so similar to you in so many ways that I feel I will always have you close by too.
When you told me you had cancer, a huge part of my world fell apart. Despite you had already moved away to New Zealand you were always there some where. For me being so far away made me feel so useless that it made me even more useless than I needed to be. Being the natural carer in the family, I would have been the one with you helping out and being there for you. But instead rather like a rabbit caught in the headlight I felt paralysed. For the only time in my life I felt I had let myself down by letting you down. I am sure maybe if what I like to believe you will now know how very much I care and how I truly feel. I am so glad you said when I told you I loved you on Christmas day that you said you knew that and you hadn’t doubted that for a moment but still my regrets are huge.
Your strength over the Christmas when Dad was with you and no doubt to make sure Toby had a lovely Christmas will always amaze me. The thought you had to say goodbye to your gorgeous son tears me apart. Toby is such a huge honour to you as a wonderful Mum and that will carry him through. Your strength and love will always be with him.
I know you enjoyed reading my blog and you always felt it was me talking. Though I speak to you every day and stroke your photo and call you baby. When did I ever call you that, hey?!!! I will miss your brilliant and quirky sense of humour and feel so sad that you, me and Bex won’t have a girls night out. Wow we would have had a fab time x
You will of course appear here as you have in many posts as little mentions because you are a big part of my life and always will be.
Everyday in my thoughts and heart, you will be so missed.
I love you
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